Saturday, May 3, 2014


I feel enlightened.

I don't know what's been happening as of late, but as a whole I feel a whole lot better about myself as a person in general. I've felt so much happier, and it's almost insane.

I guess it all sort of started with a number.


Doesn't look like much, does it?

Well, I might as well just come clean.

I'm a 1.38 on the Kinsey Scale.

Yes, indeed, I am not exclusively heterosexual. I just mostly find myself attracted to males. But sometimes...sometimes I find myself attracted to females. Granted, it's not often. But I feel very comfortable with where the Kinsey Scale places me. 

You see, I had been questioning my sexuality for a while - it was those little thoughts that bugged me. I always tried to reaffirm I was straight, until one day I decided that I'd be better off if I considered myself bisexual.

Well, let's just say I stumbled upon the Kinsey Scale and some other test things and I decided to take them. Lo and behold, I was not bisexual - that would be a three on a Kinsey Scale. No, after doing several tests I found that my spot lay between one and two: 1.38.

Now that I feel comfortable with my sexuality, I can move on to feeling comfortable about other parts of me. I'm sort of part of the LGBTQAAI+ community now, and that is kind of wonderful in of itself. When I participated in the Day of Silence, it really got me to start thinking. It was amazing to see so many people in my school trying to help bring awareness to the issue of bullying and discrimination.

Then in English class, my group decided to do a project on gay rights. Let me just show you the infographic we made:

It feels incredible to be a part of something bigger than myself, and the fact is that I feel very comfortable within it.

Which leads me to my next point.

Now that I feel comfortable with myself on the inside, I need to make sure that my outside can match. I've struggled with body image and self esteem for years, along with weight. I've never been extremely overweight, but I've definitely ventured into that zone. It's gotten to a point where I feel upset looking at myself sometimes - half of my stuff doesn't seem to fit!

Just a few weeks back, I went to Disney World for spring break. My mother swore that as soon as we got home we'd go on a diet - so it was fine if we pigged out there. And oh, I did. I mean, obviously calories were burned off when I was walking through the parks, but I ate a ton of whatever I wanted. 

Then we came home, and we didn't go on a diet.


Then it was time for Easter. Lots of candy, lots of fattening foods, no diet.


It became perfectly clear to me that my mother wasn't going to be doing anything in order to get the entire family on a diet. At that point, I decided that it was up to me to eat healthier and start exercising. I started out by doing random exercises for thirty minutes on my own while trying to eat better...but then I began using apps!

Now I have a workout app on my phone that counts burnt calories, no less, and another website which counts my overall calories. It's been very enlightening to see just how much I'm eating, how much I'm exercising, and how much I'm losing. It's only been about a week, and it seems to me that I have already lost four to six pounds.

Four to six pounds. That's insane. I'm not starving myself, but I managed to lose four to six pounds. It's because I've been eating healthier and have exercised a whole lot more. This is more than just a diet and an exercise program, this is a lifestyle change. If I can keep this going, then I thoroughly believe that come the next school year, I'll be a whole lot more comfortable in my own skin.

Being comfortable just makes life so much easier.

- Rain

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